Bearing Through The Pain

The last few days have not been easy. In fact, the word that comes to mind is excruciating. It's really in both of my hands and forearms. But more so in my right as my carpal tunnel syndrome sends shockwaves of pain shooting out my right pointy finger knuckle and up through my arm and bicep every time I try to lift myself up in my chair for pressure relief or push myself around in my wheelchair. The answer seems simple... STOP lifting yourself up all the time, right?! Ya, not so simple. If I don't keep doing my pressure relief, I run the risk of developing another pressure wound. So I push through it. I grimace and try to ignore the pain as I push through the excruciating electric shocks from my nerves. Well, that, and pop Tylenols every 4 hours. An interesting thought came to mind though yesterday. I found myself pondering, in what ways does the imago Dei (image of God) reflect pain?

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Disability & The Defended Self

Not that long ago, I read an article on The Mighty that drew from two polarized understandings of disability. The first was the medical model of disability -- "that when something is wrong with the body or mind it is an impairment or pathology, therefore, it is not functional, the ideal state is non-disabled, and an outside force should help work to 'fix' or cure the 'broken' state of the disabled person." In a sense, this becomes a highly individualized diagnosis leading to bias prejudice, labels, and often exclusionary isolation from society (Ableism). The second is what it calls the social model of disability -- "that yes, impairments in the body and mind do occur but that disability occurs because of the external disadvantages society creates in the management or handling of a person’s impairments through attitudes, systems, structures, and beliefs." What I often think is that we create a sort of pendulum structure between these two spheres; swaying back and forth while weighing the measures of truth between the two understandings. Do they both present certain truths? Yes, I think they do. And rather then swinging between the two while...

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Doing A Whole Lot Of Nothing

It feels as though lately I have been doing a whole lot of nothing. Not really by choice, but by the dictations of the slow life of disability. Truth be told, doing nothing is hard on me. I am my own worst critic! My mind is on fire with things I'd like to do and creative possibilities to pursue during these times. But day in and day out it seems like all I manage to accomplish is the struggle to get house chores done, workouts completed, and health requirements finished that take way to much time out of my life. It feels like a never ending perpetuation of liminality! Whenever these seasons seem to hit me, I begin the internal struggle of judging my failures in self expectations. No matter how hard I try to keep up the workout routine, my gut keeps sticking out like a basketball waiting to give birth. The collection of writing projects and ideas still sitting in my draft folder reminding me why I will never be able to publish a book despite...

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Disability & The Descriptive Self

Several years ago, I was having coffee with a friend at a local coffee shop. As always, we started our conversation with some laughter before he began sharing about a resent encounter he had while going about his daily activities in the community. It seems he had struck up a dialogue with someone on the subject of disabilities and they thought to ask him, "Wouldn't you want to be normal?" That's when my friend revealed something that I had never really contemplated before in the deeper sense. He told the person, "I am normal. This is the way I was born and have always been." Born with Cerebral Palsy, my friend had no other life experience other than the mobility differences he grew up with since his birth. As far as he was concerned, this was his normal and the way he was meant to be. For him, God had created him in this body and he wouldn't want to be like any-body else...

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Three Miracles In Capernaum: Belonging, Believing, & Behaving Pt. 3

I personally really don't think we truly get this story in North America. Our society is still blinded by an Ablest mindset making this story about the paralytic and not the real miracles that Jesus was performing that day. I mean, just look at the title most of our translators still give to the story -- The Healing of the Paralytic. If this story is simply just about a paralyzed man getting up and walking again... I can't help but feel like, how boring is that?! No, I'd rather like to think Jesus performed three miracles that day while breaking down the barriers of Ableism in 1st century Capernaum; the miracles of a radical sense of Belonging, courageous actions in Believing, and a amazing transformation in Behaving...

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Three Miracles In Capernaum: Looking First At The Setting Pt. 1

Capernaum was a small fishing village on the north shore of the Sea of Galilee. Although originally being named after a person, in the Greek language, Capernaum means "village of comfort". You might say it was the Jasper or Fairmont of ancient Israel. Most who lived there found occupation in the fishing industry. And it wasn't far from here that Jesus found James and John, as well as Peter and Andrew, before calling them to be his disciples...

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Is My Disability A Blessing Or A Curse?

Is my disability a blessing or a curse? I was up late with that question and couldn't sleep after hearing Dr. Amy Kenny speak at the Creative Justice Conference. She brought up so many great truths and points regarding disabilities and life. But in my mind, they seemed overcasted by her continual focus of being created disabled while emphasizing the nuance of being disabled in her identity as apposed to having a disability as part of who she is. She would say, "I am disabled. I am not a person 'with' a disability." I wasn't created with my disability, though. At least not with the paralyzed body I have lived with since I was 15 years old. And I don't believe God orchestrated my car accident that...

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Creative Justice Conference: Disability & The Church

Truth be told, I actually started this post yesterday. I was tired after a night of only 3 hours sleep and while trying to work off of my notes, I knew by the end of the afternoon it was just way to much. Scrapping it today, I am starting fresh. It has been several years since being a part of the conversation in community conferences and I really felt rejuvenated and alive again joining the table at the Creative Justice Conference this year! While having been to many conferences in past that were focused on the disabled community, I was leery to attending with the possibility of...

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