Doing A Whole Lot Of Nothing

It feels as though lately I have been doing a whole lot of nothing. Not really by choice, but by the dictations of the slow life of disability and the demands it puts on the use of time. Truth be told, doing nothing is hard on me. I am my own worst critic! My mind is on fire with things I’d like to be doing and creative possibilities to pursue during these times. But day in and day out it seems like all I manage to accomplish is the survival and struggle to get house chores done, workouts completed, and health requirements finished that take way to much time out of my life. It feels like a never ending perpetuation of liminality!

Whenever these seasons seem to hit me, I begin the internal struggle of judging my failures in self expectations. No matter how hard I try to keep up the workout routine, my gut keeps sticking out like a basketball waiting to give birth. The collection of writing projects and ideas still sitting in my draft folder, reminding me why I will never be able to publish a book, despite the dream I have had to do so, for so long. The desire to see events and gatherings I’ve imagined with disabled community’s in the church… never able to come to fruition. And so on, and so on, and so on… The battle of self expectations continues.

Yesterday morning I felt a twinge reminder, maybe from God himself, as I read these words from K.J. Ramsey:

“In systems of scarcity, we learn to leave the most discouraged and doubting parts of ourselves outside our churches’ and friendships’ front doors. We aren’t sure the Good Shepherd actually wants to be with us because we’ve barely experienced Christians in roles of authority welcoming any of our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Many of us in the American church barely know what it feels like to drink deep beside quiet waters, because we’re too busy trying to keep up with our shepherds’ and society’s search for success. We’ve looked for love from people who prefer standing on stages to bending at basins. We so often hustle hard to “build the kingdom,” when we’re really just striving for a belonging that was already bestowed on us.”

— The Lord Is My Courage: Stepping Through the Shadows of Fear Toward the Voice of Love by K.J. Ramsey

I wonder, perhaps I spend way to much attention and effort trying to belong and feel successful according to other peoples triumphs and expectations, not to mention my own, rather then taking an account to the successes and acceptance I already have in God’s eyes. It seems revealing to contemplate how God himself rested in the liminality of nothingness before anything even really existed and yet we do not consider him a failure. (Gen. 1:1-2; Phil. 2:6-8) Perhaps, it is here in the likeness of God that I should ask myself, how might I practice doing a whole lot of nothing?

Become A Nose Breather

Seriously! Have you ever tried to take a deep breath in through your nose before exhaling out your mouth? You can’t just do it quickly like when you inhale through your mouth. Breathing through your nose forces you to slow your intake of hair, focusing you on the moment and highlighting your senses in the experience.

Sometimes when I am racing around trying to get things done around the house I will take a moment to just stop, close my eyes and take a couple deep, slow breaths in through my nose and then slowly out of my mouth. It seems to calm my spirit and let me focus on being centred and present to where I am. Try it!

Dwell In A Movie With Loved Ones

I am a reader of non-fiction only. That’s right, I am the nerd who years after my theology studies still reads deep thinking books on theopoetics and spiritual philosophy. So sue me. BUT, I love movies and can’t help but get sucked into the imagination of great screen writing and amazing theatrical performances! Even more, I love sharing these imaginative moments with my wife and friends.

There is nothing better then taking an entire evening to watch a movie… or two… while propping my wife’s foot up on my lap so I can put her to sleep while rubbing her soles! Or, sharing a bowl of popcorn together while discussing the absurdities of characters actions and how we would make so much better decisions were it us!

Conversations With God On The Go

While this can be part of deep nose breathing, I often find it uplifting to include God in the activities of nothingness. Whether its behind the closed doors of long washroom activities or cleaning dishes and doing food prep in the kitchen, I sometimes begin sharing with God everything from concerns for family and friends to internal anguish over health and well being. Is it prayer? Well, I suppose it is in the sense that I’m directing my thoughts and words towards him. But it is almost like talking with him over the counter top about life. If I’m being honest, at times it can feel more like arguing with him, too. But who wins those fights? 😉

Still, even in the middle of doing nothing, I seem to make space to have conversations with God while on the go.

Turning Mundane Spaces Into Sacred Ground

As I shared earlier, no matter how hard I try to keep up the workout routine, my gut keeps sticking out like a basketball waiting to give birth. I love the line Dr. Audrey Lim says in ‘The Good Doctor‘ when she found herself struggling to adapt to a life of paralysis:

“I’m sick & tired of having to train like an Olympic athlete just to be able to get on & off of the toilet everyday!”

Man, I so get this! But don’t get me wrong, I also love spending a few hours a day down in my basement gym while putting a record on my turntable and hitting the weights. It may not be a church by definition, or a place where a miraculous burning bush was discovered. But it has become a bit of a sacred space set apart from the world for me. Borrowing the words from Barbara Brown Taylor, this space has become an alter in the world to which my nothingness is an authentic offering to God.

Where might you find this holy ground in your times of doing a whole lot of nothing? In the basement, like me? On the front or back deck? The kitchen? I pray you might also find space for the mundane to become sacred, too.

Maybe you might think of other ways to practice doing a whole lot of nothing, too. Keep me in the loop! Let me know what you do in these seasons of perpetual liminality! Perhaps, we might do a whole lot of nothing together!

God Is Our Fortress

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

46 God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present^[b] help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy habitation of the Most High.
⁵ God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
    God will help her when morning dawns.
⁶ The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
    he utters his voice, the earth melts.
⁷ The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

⁸ Come, behold the works of the Lord,
    how he has brought desolations on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the chariots with fire.
¹⁰ “Be still, and know that I am God.
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth!”
¹¹ The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

— The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Ps 46:title–11). (2016). Crossway Bibles.